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Would you know if were depressed?
If you are like most people, you will be busy working, looking after your children, trying to make ends meet and going shopping along with so many other responsibilities. Our life has become so busy to not only survive but also make us and our family happy.
Happiness in our society can sometimes by linked to the amount of money you create, the type of home you own, the brand of car you drive, or the suburb you live in. Most of us work so hard to provide this life for the ones we love and therefore sacrifice many other things in our life along the way. The decision that we make can lead us to become frustrated and depressed. about the choice how much time we spend with our family, where we take them for a holiday or restaurants or buy them the things they need and desire.
However, life is not always nice to us. We have to deal with sickness, death, job loss, money problems, loneliness, separation, deadlines, abuse and neglect. As we were growing up we had formed certain ideas about what our life would look like, what career you would have, and where would live. We have dreams and aspirations that were limitless. Unfortunately, most of us did not live that dream. We worked in jobs we hated, married the person we were no longer got on with, had friends use us or hurt us. Nevertheless, we keep going without dealing with any of our pain.
In our society we have been brought up to "suck it up", "stop complaining" "just get on with it". We have been taught that showing feelings are what weak people do and if you showed such feelings it would show your weaknesses and your flaws. As children, we may have been told to stop crying, to stop feeling sad, and ultimately not show our emotions. Therefore, over many years we have become less connected with how we feel let alone let someone know that we are feeling flat, maybe sad, tired, feeling run down etc.
When life has become difficult, we remove ourselves from those we are closest too and push people away. What is really sad is that whenever a loved one is having a difficult time, seems upset or appears unable to cope, so we want to help them. We ask them question after question to try and get an idea why they are unhappy, and how to help them. If this person rejects us by not talking we feel helpless, inadequate, and maybe even insecure. But, have you ever stopped to think how other people feel when you distance yourself from your family and friends? Can you see how they are feeling?
I believe an emotion is nothing more than a warning signal from your body and mind to let you know that you are hurting and if you continue like this you may do lasting damage. Think about it this way; if you hit your foot on a table leg, you hop up and down, hold your toe, say something's you should not have.... We know that physical pain is telling us that we have hurt our body and that we need to look after it. So, this warning system helps you to avoid the table leg next time you walk past it (hopefully).
So what signs would someone show that would suggest depression? Well first you need to understand the depression cycle.
When depression first begins to affect your life, you would not even be aware of it yet. However, what you will notice is that:
1. You start to find that your MOTIVATION is lower about doing the things you used to enjoy doing, like sport, going out, spending time with your friends or family. It does not come all at once, you just lose a little of your motivation.
2. Next, because you don't have that motivation any longer, you DO LESS of the things that you got something out of.
3. This then makes you ISOLATE more. You are at home more and alone.
4. If you are having fun with friends and they laugh with you, want to spend time with you, you will feel good about who you are because you feel part of a group of people who love you. That is FEEDBACK. It tells you who you are, what you mean to people, how important you are to others. Now when you start to be less motivated, and you do less, and you begin to isolate, the positive feedback you were receiving is reducing, but the negative feedback increases. It's a seesaw effect.
5. Because you have less feedback you then increase your depression.
6. This cycle then repeats, as your depression increases it will cause more loss of motivation, you will then do even less, which then makes you isolate still more, giving you less feedback thus increasing your depression more. It's a vicious cycle.
Loss of motivation = you do less = isolate more = more negative feedback = more depression= cycle continues.
To reverse the cycle of depression, you need to increase your positive feedback, so that it reduces your negative feedback. I tell my clients who have struggled with depression that they have to go back and think of an activity or hobby they used to really enjoy doing. What I then contract with the client is that once they pick an activity, they will do it no matter what for about 5 mins or longer if they really enjoy it. What they also need to do is to rate their depression on a scale of 1-10 (where 1 is really happy and 10 is really depressed. What should happen when they do something enjoyable is that they will either not have an increase in depression or it may even go down a little bit. If they then continue to do this they will over time reduce some of their depression. Obviously, this is not all that needs to happen for depression to reduce, but this article is not able to cover all of these techniques.
It is also important that you get professional help. Don't allow your concerns or problems to become bigger and more impacting than they already are. There are people out there that can help.
