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They seem so disconnected... birth and eating. But they aren't.
Recently, I had a client that was having difficulty and was concerned with her baby daughter's eating and nursing habits. While some practical advice was warranted, my first questions were "did you have issues with food or eating when you were younger?" and "Did anything happen at Baby's birth around food?" and also, "What was going on with your own relationship to food while you were pregnant?"
There were significant answers to all of these questions. First of all, Mom had had and eating disorder when she was younger and though was recovered, was quite anxious that her daughter NOT have issues with food. This level of energy put into eating and food clearly spoke to the baby as "beware, this is not just about easing hunger and accepting nourishment... this is something that is upsetting and worrisome."
Second of all, shortly after the birth Baby was taken to the nursery so mom could sleep. It seemed like a necessary separation for an over tired, under supported new mom, who has regretted it since. This regret about the separation was compounded by the fact that Baby was given formula against Mom's wishes. The guilt and anger Mom has felt about that has layered on top of the already existing negativity around food.
And lastly, the pregnancy itself was difficult in that Mom had a hard time keeping food down, and morning sickness lasted several months. She was, and still is, concerned that Baby wasn't getting enough nutrition, adding to even more anxiety around food.
So, knowing all that, it became clear that for this baby, eating and food were about much more than nutrition, and she was not entirely comfortable at that.
During our sessions I worked with the situation from this historical context.
Within a week, Mom reported that Baby was eating solids for the first time at 11 months of age, and sleeping through the night. She also joyfully exclaimed that her formerly fussy and anxious Baby was happy and relaxed, "Like a totally different baby!"
Although relationships between food and birth/prenatal issues are not obvious, they usually can be discovered with some insightful questions and educated interpretation. If you think about it, the first time any of us took in nourishment was after implantation into our mother's womb, also our first physical interaction with our mother. Therefore, often, eating and food issues are directly related to issues with our mother, intimacy, connection, and survival.
Likewise, if we have other trauma from early in the pregnancy, it can manifest as issues with food. My own story is an example of that.
I lost a twin brother directly after implantation. I know this due to my own regressions, somatic memories and the way my life changed for the better in several ways after discovery and a healthy grieving process. During one of my sessions, I "felt" myself implant, and felt my twin fail to do so. I had the sense that there wasn't enough nutrition from our mother for both of us, and that I was "taking too much." In my sensing of it, I had "landed" high on the uterine wall and my brother fell past me, unable to implant.
Fact: The embryo that is higher on the uterine wall tends to get more nutrition. I found this fact out after I verbalized the memory.
It all made sense. My paradoxical and lifelong struggle with food was a double bind. I had always felt that I ate (took) too much, but also that there was never enough.
Just a few sessions a few years ago addressed this dynamic and my relationship to food changed. I no longer struggled with a voice in my head telling me to eat that or not eat this... how much to eat, or how little. I was able to relax and enjoy food without the guilt and shame that had accompanied it for so long. All my issues around food are not gone however, the habits of a lifetime didn't just dissipate... what changed was how I feel about it all. And that, now, is peaceful.
