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As a working mom, stress, overwhelm and chaos seem to just be part of life. The key to decreasing those things so that you can better manage and enjoy life with a career and kids is in implementing habits and routines that eliminate some of the decision making and clutter (both physically and mentally) so that you can focus on the things that matter to you most, like being present and productive at both work and home.
The following habits are not just ideas I am throwing out there hoping they may help. Nope, these are in fact four habits that I have integrated into my own life since having kids and have personally experienced the benefits of doing each of them on a regular basis.
It dawned on me the other morning as I took a step back after making my bed-a one-minute habit that I've only been doing on a daily basis for the past six months or so-that there are a number of habits such as this that really don't take that much time, but impact my sanity and my success as a working mom.
Habit #1: Make your bed each morning.
As I already said, this is a habit I started within the past year that takes me less then a minute to complete, but leaves me feeling good all day long. I love seeing the bed made. I love walking by or into my room and seeing the smooth surface of the quilt and the pillows stacked up neatly. It amazes me how satisfying such a simple change in my life makes me feel. I don't even remember when I started doing it or why, but it's become a habit that has such a positive impact on my physical, emotional and mental "space."
I've also noticed that because it's become a habit for me that it's also become a habit for my husband. I never directly asked him to do it (although I am a big advocate of being direct with your husband when you do want him to do something), but have commented on how good it makes me feel and how easy it is to do several times in front of him. As a result, on the weekends when he gets up after me, I often find that he has made the bed as well.
Habit #2: Clean kitchen each night.
I will admit that this is a habit I learned from my husband. I often could find 50 different reasons (okay, excuses) to wait to do the dishes and clean the kitchen until the next morning. Although it would perhaps feel better in the moment, because I could go relax or do something else more fun, I hated walking into the kitchen in the morning to the stack of dishes and mess. Not to mention that it would take me twice as long to clean because at this point food was dried and more scrubbing was required.
Now, even when I am at my most tired, the dishes get done and the kitchen is clean every night-most often completed right after dinner and before we do anything else (we've learned the hard way how much more challenging it is to do the dishes after you've been lounging on the couch with a glass of wine watching 30 Rock).
I will also say that doing the dishes is not my responsibility alone. The rule in our house (which there is very little exception to) is that whoever cooks, the other person cleans. This is a division of labor agreement that works well for us, but that's a topic for another day!
Habit #3: Get a shoe rack and use it!
This is actually a new one for our family, but let me tell you how happy it makes me. I don't know about your kids, but mine had the bad habit of taking their shoes off right when they walked in the front door and leaving them in the middle of the floor. Some days they would attempt to get them under the hall table and out of the way, but often it took me asking them to come back and move them (repeatedly). Not only did I feel like a nag, but I hated the way the pile of shoes looked even when they did manage to get them out of the way.
Who knew that a $ 25.00 shoe rack from IKEA could look so good and bring not only myself, but my kids, so much joy?
The new rule is that when shoes come off in the hallway they must go on the shoe rack. If there is no room for your shoes, then that means it's time to put some shoes away in your bedroom. My kids have needed very minimal reminders about this rule as they love lining up their shoes as soon as they take them off.
The other nice thing is that the rack is attractive and the shoes lined up looks, well, fine. This has saved me from feeling the need to have all the shoes removed before company comes over. Instead, I notice that people come in and comment on the rack and then take off their shoes to add to it!
Habit #4: Shower and dress before the kids get up.
One of the benefits of having my own business and having my office just steps down the hall is that I have the ability to shower (or not shower) whenever I want. In the past, I use to think waiting to shower until later in the day was a luxury.
However, I came to realize that this was less of a luxury and more of a stress inducer. Because I hadn't showered, that most often meant that I also hadn't dressed before the kids woke up. Therefore, as I was helping them get ready for school (getting dressed, making breakfast, doing hair, etc.), I was also trying to get myself ready enough to get out the door in a semi-presentable way. I found myself running between task, each half-way completed, annoyed with the kids' constant need of my help and then rushed at the last minute as the kids waited for me to be ready to get in the car.
Well, all that has changed. I now shower and dress for the day before the kids wake up.
Whether you work in an office outside the home or in the home, I strongly encourage you to do what you can to have yourself as ready for the day as possible before the kids get up. The 30-40 minutes of sleep that I am giving up to shower and dress before the kids wake up is worth the ease and sanity it brings me in the mornings now. When the kids do wake up, I am able to focus on helping them get ready. It all goes much smoother and faster then when I was trying to do it while getting myself ready.
Not only am I happier, but the kids are too. They've actually commented more then once about how much they like it when I sit down with them for breakfast, as opposed to the days when I would scurry in and out of the room as they ate.
Relatively small changes in behavior can lead to big changes in your overall sanity and satisfaction. Usually it's the small changes that are easier to implement, stick long-term and can make a big difference in your life.
When you are a busy, working mom serving as a leader at both home and work, you must learn how to work smarter, not harder. You already work hard enough as is. Try implementing even just one of these new habits into your own life (or come up with a different one) and experience the benefits in your own life.
