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Relationships are the essence of life. Without them, life is fairly meaningless. Whether it be the superficial relationship with your favorite clerk at the market, the friendships you've established at work, the connection you have with your parents, or the daily happenings between husband and wife, there is no doubt that these interactions play a key role in the person you are and how you act and live your life.
February and Valentine's Day usually bring up one of two emotional waves in people: that of excitement and love, or that of dread and depression. Both the relationships you are currently experiencing and those you've experienced in past February's affect the way you perceive this holiday.
But it goes much deeper than that. Your behaviors in relationships and feelings about love are dependent on something much more concrete and much less obvious: your nervous system and its effects on the physiology of your body.
Don't freak out... we're not going to take you back to high school chemistry class. It is important, however, to give you a little reminder of the basics of how you work. So here's the easy explanation: An egg and a sperm meet, fall in love, and conceive what became 'you.'
In utero you developed from indiscriminate cells into a human being. We now know every step along the way and exactly when things happen. But the important part is that your nervous system (brain, spinal cord, and nerves) formed first. Without that, you would still be a blob of cells. Then some other stuff formed and you were born.
You had lots of experiences; some good ones and some, well, anyway, you had some experiences and eventually grew into an adult. All those experiences were accumulated in your nervous system and held for future reference. That way when you experience something similar, you don't have to completely relearn the lesson. Though productive in theory, in reality if you didn't deal with a situation very well the first time it would be more beneficial to react differently and more appropriately the second time.
You have the opportunity every day to perceive the world differently and therefore react differently to it. Okay, you're right, easier said than done. So here's the scoop: your internal structure and function (physiology) depend on the way you perceive your experiences, which are dependent on the processing potential of your nervous system (spinal cord, etc.). It's okay, calm down...we'll explain.
To make it easier to follow, imagine a stereotypical argument between a TV couple like Lucy and Ricky Ricardo. For the rest of this article, when you read "right brain," think of Lucy and when you read "left brain," think of Ricky. In most TV shows centered on a couple, we see the same thing: the woman wants to talk and the man is practicing 'selective listening,' or ignoring her. She gets more aggravated and upset by the minute, and he gets more annoyed and frustrated at every word.
She wants to talk about their days, he just wants a moment to relax and decompress. Yes, this is very stereotypical. And it's okay if your life is more like this than you'd like to admit! The fact is that this story represents a very simple neurological and physiological truth.
Brain hemisphericity, or being excessively right or left brained is partially what throws off the chemical releases in your body and the balance between your sympathetic and parasympathetic systems. These systems are responsible for the general homeostasis of your body and that of stress responses and daily functions.
The left half of the brain is related to logic, words, numbers, and linearity. Lucy might take Ricky's forgetfulness as a personal attack and misconstrue his not calling her for lunch as not wanting to see her, or even as him not caring about her. By the time he gets home she's extremely upset by his apparent negligence and disrespect.
Lucy starts ranting and raving the instant Ricky walks in the door. She literally needs to talk about what she thinks and feels to help balance her brain. In left-brain hemisphericity (think Ricky) the person may underestimate the meaning of words and feelings and attach assumed meaning to unrelated actions.
When Ricky walks in the door, he simply wants a quiet moment to unwind from the day. After a long day of talking at the office, he needs to settle down in silence. When Lucy bombards him, he shuts off. He's already on left-brain overload, and can't take more discussion.
Ricky ignores Lucy out of his own physiologic need, compounding her problem. He probably has no idea why Lucy is upset. In fact, he thinks she should be extra happy because he took out the trash (which to Ricky means he loves her).
Sound silly, or sound familiar? Most people have trouble understanding a different way of thinking. If this depicted your relationship, even in an exaggerated way, don't fret. The take-home here is two fold: understanding what fits you and understanding what fits your partner. To Lucy: have outlets to talk.
Friends, make a journal (talk it out as you write!). Make great outlets for venting. Sometimes you just need to talk about it to feel better. The problem may only manifest because you have a physiologic need to talk. To Lucy's partner: be patient and listen. Often times venting and getting acknowledgment is all she needs.
To Ricky's partner: give him time. His physiologic need to decompress will override everything else. A quick breather will get him back to normal. The gist? Right-brainers, give your loved one a moment to breathe. Left-brainers, remember to give your mate a chance to share. These recommendations are simply to forge acceptance and understanding. If issues persist, consult with a relationship specialist.
Chiropractors are trained on the neurology of relationships. They work with the physiology and neurology of your body to help regain homeostasis. When you are well adjusted and get checked regularly, your brain experiences fewer problems with hemisphericity. When couples get adjusted together, their relationships typically benefit as well.
