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The New Retirement Model Affects Relationships – Are You Prepared?

The New Retirement Model Affects Relationships – Are You Prepared?

The New Retirement Model Affects Relationships – Are You Prepared?

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 The New Retirement Model Affects Relationships – Are You Prepared?

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Overheard the other day between two men:

Robert – "So, Joe when are you going to retire?"Joe – "Well, my company offered me a nice retirement package but I turned them down."Robert – "Why would you do that? You are 65, you have financial security and have worked for 40 years at your job. You deserve time to relax."Joe – "I don't want to retire because I don't want to stay home and listen to my wife complain all day that I am in her way."

Ba-bumpf…

The St Louis Dispatch ran a commentary by P. Kelley of Knight Ridder entitled, "Retirees Need to Plan How They'll Fill Their Days". Kelly states that planning for retirement for previous generations was never really a burning issue, "…because chances were you wouldn't live to see it. In 1900, the American life expectancy was 47. In 1940, it was less than 64." As long as you had enough money to survive those final years and had accumulated something to pass onto your survivors, you could retire without great thought.

Retirement in the past has typically meant a time of leisure filled with golf, travel and bridge clubs, "Even if you reached retirement, poor health or exhaustion after a lifetime of hard, physical labor made it less likely that you longed to fill your days with activities. Today, though, U.S. life expectancy at birth is nearly 77, and rising. People also stay healthy longer. Studies show that disabilities in people over 65 fell 15 percent from 1982 to 1994. If you've reached your 40s or 50s without any pressing health problems, financial advisers often counsel to plan as if you'll live into your 90s."

With Longevity and Good Health: The New Retirement Model Emerged

Mental and physical health as you age doesn't always depend on whether you've got good genes, as many people assume.

Instead, it hinges more on individual choices in diet, exercise, the pursuit of mental challenges, close personal relationships and opportunities for productive activities.

As a result, living longer and healthier has created a new retirement model…one where people want a more meaningful, active and productive retirement lifestyle.

Now retirees plan for the next 20 or 30 years following retirement from their jobs. The thought process has changed from "What will I do for the next few years after I retire?" to, "What can I do when I retire for the next 20 years?" This question needs to be answered before taking the retirement leap; preferably that question should be asked when people are in their late 40's and 50's.

Joe from the above example has not planned his retirement

Often a retiree's home is an 'empty nest' with older children married or away at school. Some older children still do live at home, yet the personal responsibility of the parent has shifted and is no longer as demanding. Once a spouse retires, this can mean that a home previously occupied solely by the homemaker during the day, now means that the retired spouse may be sharing the same space all day. This causes conflict as lifestyles have changed. Joe and his wife are unprepared for that lifestyle change.

If Joe is sitting at home with his wife, then he has not planned his retirement properly.

You can have all the money in the world, yet if you don't know what you're going to do to be happy, it's not going to matter. We've all known people who had their finances taken care of, yet struggled in the next stage in life.

So what does Joe have to change to make the retirement-relationship work?

Couples need to reacquaint themselves with each other. This is not always easy. Many retired couples have been married for 40, 50 or 60 or more years. Being thrust back together 24/7, without others around (sometimes for weeks at a time) after being apart during the workday hours may mean getting to know your spouse or significant other all over again.

When I speak at seminars, I implement an exercise that asks participants to list the positive items – besides pay – that their jobs provide.

Often, people mention social relationships and the challenge or satisfaction they get from work.

"So how will you replace those relationships and that challenge?"

If you're a retiree like Joe, will you depend on your family to fill those friendships and challenging gaps that the job offered? If so, that may be a problem and you may become a nuisance to your wife, significant other, friends or family members. As well, this 'stay-at-home' busy-type of time-killer lifestyle often has no meaning.

You need to find meaning in your retirement.

Many retirees are finding meaning through participating in politics, volunteering, starting a second career or opening up a business.

Relationships change, too.

Retirement also forces couples to make major adjustments in relationships. "It's one of the major transition times I find in terms of tensions among couples," says Marc West, a marriage and family therapist in Charlotte and husband of Bookie West, both retirees. With both partners spending more time at home, privacy needs get bumped into.

Jean and Joe Feiler anticipated that problem. When they retired to Charlotte, the couple bought a two-story town house so we can have our own space, Jean says.

Phyllis Smith and her husband, Mial, also went through a transition when he retired 11 years ago.

For years, Phyllis had been boss on the home front. Now, her husband wanted to rearrange the refrigerator. Fine, Phyllis told him, as long as you also take over the cooking. He backed off, she says.

Over time, they adjusted. It often takes up to a year or more to settle into the new roles. There are certain things each person learns to no stick their nose in, and even to stay a distance on specific things.

Like the Smiths, many people feel their way through the transitions of retirement on their own. But more are seeking advice from experts. One of the most common comments I receive from those who have been retired for 5 years or more is, "Where were you when I retired?! I really could have used your help!" I can help you make your retirement a meaningful and productive lifestyle. I coach couples whose lives will change when retirement approaches. Call me for a consultation.

Assignment:Whether you're an individual who needs help or a Business Owner or Corporate Executive who is concerned with your business and growth (personally or professionally) as part of moving into the next stage in life, give me a call to set up a time to talk. It's time for you to take control, so you can start living the life of your dreams. Book online NOW at: http://my.timedriver.com/QQPRL or email me at Tracey@TraceyFieber.com






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