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Relationships and Communication:
Most of us like to have that special someone in our life, someone to come home to , a friend, a lover, a confidante to share the good and the bad with. Our thoughts, ideas or just our time with.
Over time that relationship may well me forgotten about because it's there, all the time, winter and summer, and it can be very easy, in the midst of other pressing demands on our time and attention, to commit all our energy and enthusiasm to a growing family or cultivating a career or getting our finances in a better place. When a relationship feels good and is reliable and comfortable, it can be all too easy to put that relationship on the back burner and let it take care of itself. It's only when our partner starts to perhaps get a little restless with us or appear disinterested in us, or start to increasingly do other things away from us that we may well start to get that wake up call and realise that all is not well.
This wake up call can be just that and does not necessarily signify the end of a relationship. In fact, it can be the start of a new, more mature and loving phase of the relationship.
Start by identifying what is going on, what is going wrong for your partner. Ask questions. Listen to the answers. They may feel bored, not listened to, not loved, taken for granted. They may be aware of getting older and have unfulfilled dreams and desires that they wanted or still want to achieve.
Take time out to commit to an undisturbed conversation with your partner. Some people find that they can do this at home and they switch off the TV, the telephone and any other distractions. Other people may find it easier to go to a neutral place like a restaurant or bar, where they can talk and have a pleasant evening together. Other people like the structure of a couples counseling session, where the counselor provides the neutral environment and ensures that both people have the opportunity to talk, uninterrupted by the other, say what they want to say and keep to the relevant topic, not digress into other subject areas away from what is really important. A structured framework can help to avoid common pitfalls, like accusations, long winded explanations and examples of why things happened, and can help to keep the time allocated being used respectfully and constructively.
Whichever option is chosen, it's important to maintain the commitment to each other and the realationship, and not treat it as a one off exercise.
Some examples of continuing the momentum can be :
*Have a meal together once a week. Even if it's at home, shower, put on nice clothes, make up or shave. Set the table.
*Remember what it was that attracted you to each other in the first place. Take care to listen to each other. Be genuinely interested in what you are being told. Ask questions. Remember what you have been told. It can take a little time for this to become a relaxed and enjoyable part of your life, but it is worth it.
*Take time to go for a walk, stop and have a drink in a country pub along the way.
*Find an interest that you both can enjoy, like a project in the garden, or learning a new skill, hobby, language. Shared interests don't have to be expensive. Just interests that you can share.
